


TsukkiYama Stories

by ghostal



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, One Shot Collection, Romance, tsukkiyama - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:13:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24124174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostal/pseuds/ghostal
Summary: A collection of TsukkiYama one shots that I've written over the years. Each one is different to the last, and I really just want to practice my writing using these two!
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 161





	1. Dear Tsukki

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this story back in 2016! it's quite old but something about it is endearing!  
> Words: 1231  
> Catergory: Angst

"Dear Tsukki," the note read, "Today, I realised no one really cares about my happiness. They only care if I make them happy."

He was starting to ball his hands into fists, crumpling the sides of the paper. Did Tadashi really feel like that? Had he messed up that bad?

"Now, let me ask you; what is happiness?" _Being with you_ , he thought, _your smile, your presence._

"Is it ignoring me when I was feeling down? Is it accepting all my love, yet never giving any of it back? Is it leaving me for someone you just met two weeks ago? Is it ignoring my cries when I gathered up all my strength and begged for you to come back? Is it not saying even a simple "thank you" when I was there to cheer you up when he didn't?"

Kei felt his heart shatter, if you were watching, you would have been able to pinpoint the moment it did. For the first time in years, he was starting to cry. He wanted to burn the note, but he read on.

"To me, happiness is being there for someone, even if they don't love you back. Happiness is seeing someone else's happiness, even if they don't care about yours."

He did care about Tadashi's happiness, but was he really so scared to share his emotions that it hurt others, especially his best friend, the one he loved?

"But true happiness is something unobtainable, non-existent and so far away from me, I am but a mere star who watches on as others obtain the thing I desire. –Yamaguchi."

He could barely see by the end of it, his glasses were covered in his tears. He let out a small cry, ripping the note into pieces. He had never felt worse, he couldn't believe he had just made Tadashi feel like he was nothing, like he was nothing but a pillar of happiness for others. This wouldn't be an easy thing to fix, but he sure as hell was going to try his hardest.

He threw open the curtain to see it was still raining, but was him staying dry really more important? No, it wasn't, so he got up from his place on the floor and cleaned his glasses. He grabbed the closest jumper and pulled it over his head before running outside. Tadashi's house was only a few blocks away, it shouldn't take too long. He was so frantic to get there he almost got hit by a car, then a bicycle, but that didn't stop him. He went around to the back of the house and let himself in. The Yamaguchi household always had their back door open and they had said he was allowed in any time. He kicked his shoes off before looking around, the bathroom light was on so someone must have been home. He ran to the front of the house to go up the stairs. He was greeted by the long hallway, the one that used to be so cold when he first stayed here, but then became so warm and welcoming, just like how Tadashi's first impression had been on him. Other than being a cry baby, but that's a different story. He took his first step in the hallway, but it didn't feel warm or comforting, it felt miserable and unwelcoming. He knew this was his fault. He continued on through the hallway, coming up to a room right near the back on the left. You could only hear it when you walked up to the door, a faint sobbing coming from inside. He swung the door open to be greeted by a crying Tadashi in the corner of his bed. The light from the room felt like it was fading, getting darker every second. Tadashi's head slowly lifted to look at the figure, which only caused more tears when he knew it was him, the one that killed him inside.

"Tadashi?!"

Kei had never once in his life called him that, it had always been Yamaguchi, just like everyone else.

"What do you want?" He choked on a sob, putting his head back down.

"I'm sorry Tadashi. I'm sorry for treating you like you were nothing. I'm sorry for treating you like you were just the stars that made the moon shine brighter. I know sorry doesn't cut it, but I want to make it up to you, I want to show you that I really do care for you, that I really do love you."

"Do you really love me? Or do you just feel bad?"

The words were like poison that was slowly seeping in.

"Or do you just need me to cheer you up again?"

What was the point of poison if you could just have a knife stabbed right through your heart?

"I- Tadashi." He took in a large breath, "I do want you to cheer me up, but-"

"Get out," Tadashi had interrupted him, "I'm not for your personal use Tsukishima."

Another jab to the heart, it was always Tsukki, always. Not Tsukishima.

"But I want you to make me happy by making yourself happy."

He looked up at him. It hurt Kei to see Tadashi like this, a tear stained face. His freckles were a lot clearer since his face was pale. The tips of his ears and nose were red, he looked sick. He started to take small steps over to the bed in the far corner, which then became bigger before he was on it, crawling towards him.

"You being happy is what makes me happy, your happiness is so important to me. I'm sorry for shutting you out, but I was scared."

"Scared of what?" Tadashi spat back at him, "Scared that you would have no one left? Because it sure seemed like everyone wants to hang out with you, you don't need me, there are others that can do what I do but better, I'm replaceable." Another jab.

"I was scared of losing you Tadashi, I was scared that if I was to show my true colours, my real emotions, you wouldn't want to be with me."

There was a pain in his cheek before he realized he wasn't looking at Tadashi anymore, he had just been slapped by him.

"Not showing me your emotions made me feel like I was weak! And when you did show emotion it was sadness so of course I had to help you, but you never helped back! Whenever I was sad was when you showed them least! It made me feel like I wasn't enough for you, like I wasn't enough for anyone. You were the only one that would stay with me, it hurt to see you go, it really did."

He held his cheek and looked back at the boy, "I'm sorry," he choked on his sob. He saw Tadashi's face soften, was Tadashi about to put his happiness first? Again? He quickly wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close.

"Let me love you Tadashi. Let me try again, let me show you how I truly feel."

"And how's that?"

Kei looked down to see Tadashi looking up at him.

"Like this."

Kei cupped his cheeks in his hands and pulled his face up, also going down to make their lips meet for a kiss. One with true emotion and meaning.


	2. I like the Drummer Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kei's supposed to have time alone on Thursday nights to complete his homework, but his brother accidentally got the day wrong, inviting his band over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is far more recent, hopefully the writing has improved since!  
> Words: 1485

Kei's usual Thursday night consists of practice, homework and cooking dinner for his family. It's one of the few nights where his brother isn't practicing with his band downstairs, so he tries to get as much done as possible. On this particular night however, as he's touching pen to paper, he can hear a low wave of notes, followed by a beat on the drums. This was definitely out of the agreement, they were supposed to be at someone else's place. He can't deal with the noise while he works so he stands, and goes to do something about it.

He listens for a few moments before knocking on the door, sliding it open when the music comes to a stop. His brother is practically already in front of him.

"Hey, what's up? We're trying to practice." Akiteru gestures to the people behind him, but Kei keeps his gaze on the boy in front of him, wanting to avoid any awkwardness from the others.

"It's Thursday. You know the agreement. Why'd you break it?"

Akiteru stares at him for a moment, then pulls out his phone, showing it to the taller blond.

"No it's not, it's Wednesday."

"Read it again." Kei blinks to double check, but then nods. "It's Thursday."

He turns the phone to face him, then laughs.

"No wonder everyone double checked about coming tonight. I'm so sorry." He scratches the back of his head. "We'll have tomorrow off instead, and I'll cook dinner all next week when you're supposed to if you still do tonight for everyone."

Kei considers it, but ultimately agrees when Akiteru shoves his hand at him anyway. "Sure."

One of the other boys from behind Akiteru pipes up, "Thank you, we're sorry for disturbing you."

Kei finally takes a look at everyone else in the band. The drummer boy is speaking to him, and he can't take his eyes off him. Something about his smile burned itself into his eyes, it was pretty.

-

That night, the image of the boy's smile sits behind his eyelids. He can't not think about it, something about the way his nose crinkled and the crows feet that formed by his eyes. It was cuter than any other smile he'd seen, it was genuine. He was tired in the morning, being unable to sleep. He only had the same thought swimming around in his head.

Kei slips his shoes on as he's getting ready to leave, Akiteru standing behind him with his lunch in hand.

"What's the name of your drummer? The one with the mop hair."

Akiteru raises an eyebrow, handing Kei's lunch to him. He slips it into his bag, listening carefully to the name.

"Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi Tadashi. Why's that?"

Kei clears his throat to give him a couple more seconds for an excuse. If he admitted he was cute, he'd never hear the end of it.

"I just thought I recognised him from somewhere else is all, but the name probably only rings a bell since you talk about them. Sorry."

Kei quickly makes his way out the door, speed walking down the street. Once he turns the corner, he slows right down and pulls his phone out of his pocket. He types the name into Facebook, and there is the boy, he's the first result. His big smile is plastered as the profile picture for everyone to see. He lets out a little exhale paired with a smile, clicking onto the profile. It's him all right. A little scroll shows him that they attended the same school. Maybe he had recognised him, but he guesses that's what he gets for only knowing people in the volleyball club, none of which are even in his class.

When his class had started, he bothered to listen to the roll call. Yamaguchi's name didn't come up, so it was likely he was in a different class. Maybe he was with the other boys from the club, then again, Yamaguchi didn't appear as stupid as Hinata and Kageyama.

The smile was stuck at the back of his head all day. He was quick to leave class and get to the change rooms, trying to meet the other first years before anyone else showed up. He changed alone, clearly not getting there as fast as the others. He met the third years as he was leaving to head to the gymnasium.

"Someone is eager today, huh?"

Kei nods as he moves past them, he really wanted to find this boy now that he was in close vacinity. He pushes through the doors.

"Kageyama, Hinata."

They both look at him, surprised by how early he is compared to everyone else. He can't help the blush that spreads across his cheeks, he feels stupid for being so eager. They might not even know the boy.

"Do you know Yamaguchi? He goes to this school."

They look at each other, then laugh.

"You mean the Yamaguchi that's into music? Plays drums?" Hinata laughs a little more. "I'm surprised you even know about him since you don't talk to anyone."

"Shut up," Kei says to them, "Do you know him or not?"

"Yeah, we're actually pretty good friends. Why?"

"I met him last night, kind of. I wanted to see if I could find him again."

Hinata stares at him, probably trying to be mean to Kei.

"Well he's in the class below yours, but we could hang out if you really want-"

"Just text me." Kei interrupts him as other team members begin to fill the gym. He practices really well that night, likely from the excitement he feels inside from being able to find the drummer boy again.

-

Hinata's text tells him he'll be there with Yamaguchi in half an hour, but he wanted to be there ready for them. He pushes himself back and forth on the swing, no harder than what would cause his feet to leave the ground. He can feel his heartbeat speed up the more he thinks about meeting the boy. If it goes well he might actually find someone he likes. If it goes well.

What if I mess this up? He thinks. This could be a good chance with someone that has genuinely interested me. He ponders on the upcoming situation, then the realisation hits him. What if he isn't into men? I didn't even think about that-

"Tsukishima!" He hears Hinata yell from across the park. In all of his stress, he lost track of time and completely zoned out. Trailing behind the mass of orange hair is Yamaguchi, smiling and waving. Kei raises a hand to meet his wave.

"Hello." Kei nods at them. Is that really all he has to say?

Yamaguchi bows. "Sorry for interrupting your night the other day."

"Don't be." Tsukishima watches him stand upright, he's still as cute as before, but he's only just realised the map of freckles across his face, perhaps it had escaped his mind. He can't help but stare. It takes Hinata to keep him from staring too long.

"Yamaguchi, this is Tsukishima. He wanted to-"

"Tsukishima," he says to cut of Hinata, even though it's already been said.

"Yamaguchi." The boy's freckles crease as he smiles, and Kei can't help but crack a small smile himself. Something about this boy truly poked at his curiosity.

Hinata pouts at Kei, "Hey, I wanted to introduce you."

Kei just looks at him and shrugs. "I thought I could speak well enough myself, thank you."

Hinata lets out a childish whine, to which Yamaguchi responds with, "How about we get some ice cream?" Hinata perks up at this.

-

Over the course of the day, Kei finds himself far too interested in Yamaguchi. He laughs a lot more, he smiles more, he participates in the conversation more. Hinata picks up on this as well, mentioning it when Yamaguchi goes to use the bathroom.

"You like him, don't you?" Kei gets an elbow to the hip. He stands there in silence, he doesn't know how to lead him off from the realisation, but his quiet state is more than telling enough. "It's okay, I think he has taken a liking to you too."

Kei wants to believe Hinata for the first time in forever. He's finally found someone that actually has interested him. He already feels comfortable around him, natural. It's weird. Akiteru's mistake made him infatuated with someone, perhaps enough time will show it's more than a little crush. When Yamaguchi comes out of the bathroom, Kei walks right up to him.

"Do you want to come over after this? I... I would like to get to know you better. You seem... " Kei tries to think of something that isn't too overbearing, but he doesn't have to.

"Yeah, sure. I wouldn't mind that at all."

The smile returns to Yamaguchi's face, and Kei knew that he liked the drummer boy.


	3. Drawings for Tsukki | Rewritten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima watches the drawings appear on his arms, failing to realise that the person making them appear on his arm was close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a one shot that I wrote ages ago, and then decided to write it again so it is much better!  
> Word Count: 1138

Kei stared at the flower on the back on his wrist. It was a delicate little thing, so detailed and real. Whoever inked these drawings on their skin left him something truly special to see. Even more, that artist was destined to be his soulmate, someone who he would love. He tapped the pen against his desk. Whatever he would draw or write on his hand would show up for the other, right? So what could he say to them? He touched the tip to his inner forearm, writing down, "Hello. I hope to meet you soon." He waited, but nothing ever showed up as a response. He could only wonder why they wouldn't write back.

Tadashi stared at his arm, his hand hovering over his phone. He knew who his soulmate was. It was right there, printed on his arm. It was unmistakable. This confirmed that they were in fact soulmates. Sooner rather than later, it was likely his friend would tell him all about it, the flower that he drew, and the lack of response to his short note.

He considered whether or not to tell him that they were in fact soulmates. His best friend since childhood was supposed to be with him. He wanted to tell him immediately, but something inside told him to wait. Valentine's day was coming up, and as everyone would try to gift chocolate to Tsukki, hoping they were his soulmate, he could confess. He could make it something truly special. Tadashi guessed Tsukki never considered it to be him, especially since his art was something he kept private, and he never told Kei about his own drawings. The admiration for the artwork was something really nice to experience, knowing Tsukki had fallen in love with them.

His phone began to vibrate, opening it up to show Tsukki's name flashing across the screen. He took a deep breath and answered it, putting it to his ear.

"Hi Tsukki! What's up?" He knew what was up, but he couldn't let that out.

"I know I haven't shown you in a while, but I got a little flower on my wrist today. I decided I would write back."

"That's so cool Tsukki! Have they responded to you?" He bit his lip to keep his cool.

"No." Tsukki paused for a moment, "but hopefully soon."

There was some kind of happiness Tadashi could pick up in Kei's voice. He was actually, genuinely happy about this. It must have really poked at his curiosity. He does like to know things.

"Maybe it's someone at school. You'll probably find out next Monday if it's any of the girls. At least you'll get lots of chocolate." Tadashi laughed, and he heard a little exhale through the speaker. "Are you taking anything in case you meet them?"

This made Tsukki actually pause and think.

"I think I will." He heard some background noise, then Tsukki's voice again saying, "I have to go now Yamaguchi. See you on Monday."

-

Their last class was a painfully boring mathematics class. Tadashi sloppily wrote his notes, he was far more interested in the event that would follow after class. He refrained from writing on himself during the day, especially since volleyball practice would be the tell all if he saw it. He was always careful with drawing if he knew they were going to be meeting. For some reason, their training was slower than anything that he had been through during the day. Perhaps it was his excitement and nerves messing with his perception of everything. He wanted to tell him so bad. It didn't help that the talk from the coaches that followed was even longer.

It was refreshing to turn to his cool school clothes, and it also meant that they would be leaving shortly. Tadashi carefully organised his bag, putting the little box of homemade strawberry chocolates on top. Walking out of the club rooms was an out of world experience. Was he really about to do this?

"Sorry Tsukki," Tadashi started, "I really need to use the bathroom. Can you wait for me?"

He slid his bag off his shoulder, passing it off to Tsukki who nodded at him. He ran into the bathroom, pulling out a pen from his pocket. He moved into one of the stalls incase Tsukki would follow him in, also needing to use the bathroom. He pulled up his sleeve, writing close up to his elbow. Hi Tsukki. You actually met me long ago. The click of the penlid being place back on top was satisfying. He flushed and washed his hands, knowing that he'd be able to hear the faint noises from the now empty hallway. Suspicion was not his plan here. He took his bag back when he walked out, smiling at Tsukki.

"Thanks!"

He let them walk for a little bit, he had to let it sit before he could mention it. They were well away from the school ground when he spoke.

"Were any of your confessors your soulmate?" Tadashi looked up at him, watching him slide his headphones down around his neck. He shook his head ever so slightly.

"No, but I got some nice chocolate I guess."

Tadashi nodded. He swallowed a massive lump in his throat, his hand in his pocket nervously playing with the pen. Could he actually do this?

"Uh, any new... any new drawings?" He scratched the back of his neck with his free hand.

He held onto his breath unconsciously while he watched Tsukki pull up the wrong sleeve.

"I guess not."

He slowly let out the air from his nose, it was likely that it looked suspicious. Then again, Tsukki wasn't paying him much attention at the moment.

"Isn't it usually on the other arm?"

Kei nodded, already moving to lift the sleeve. His pace slowed to a stop when he saw characters inked on his arm. Tadashi stood beside him, hands shaking as Kei read his arm under the street light. It took him a few moments to turn, obviously having reread it a couple times. He looked Tadashi straight in the eyes, both of them turning pink.

"It's you?"

Tadashi could only nod. His mouth was slightly open but no words actually escaped. Tsukki moved towards him, wrapping him in a hug. It kind of took Tadashi by surprise, considering he wasn't this affectionate with anyone, ever. Tadashi slowly brought his own arms up, hugging him back. Something about it felt so right. He felt lips pressing against his forehead.

Here they stood under the street light. Hugging alone as they absolutely knew, knew that they were supposed to be together.

"I wouldn't want it any other way, Yamaguchi."

Tadashi let out a light laugh, finally speaking up.

"Why not call me Tadashi? We are soulmates after all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the original if you're interested! It's only 431 words.
> 
> Kei would always wake up to find small doodles across his thighs or upper arms. He found them adorable and the artist on the other side was amazing. That artist, wherever in the world, was his soulmate. Whenever he found a new drawing on him, it would make him smile, even when he was sad. He would always show his best friend, Tadashi Yamaguchi, the drawings, and Tadashi would always smile up at him, but it always seemed off to Kei. He chose to ignore it however.
> 
> He never took into consideration it was his best friend. The perfect drawings that showed up on his skin were Tadashi's artwork. Tadashi didn't want to tell Kei it was him, and the drawings he was falling in love with were his own. He wanted to make it special the way he told him. He wanted to show him through his artistic skills.
> 
> Today was the day that Tadashi had decided to tell Kei. It was a painfully boring mathematics class, and Kei, like usual, was staring out the window. Tadashi pulled his sleeve up and grabbed his pen, he took in a short breath and started to draw a little Kei before writing in cursive, "I love you Tsukki, and it seems you've been falling for me too. Talk to me after class!" He let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding and pulled down his sleeve. He looked up to see a few people look at their arm where Tadashi had written, he found it a little weird.
> 
> He kept his eye on Kei for the rest of the class. He let out a sigh as Kei didn't bother to check his arm. He made his way over to him and tapped him on the shoulder. Kei looked up at him.
> 
> "Any new drawings Tsukki?" He asked with a bright smile on his face.
> 
> Kei looked down and pulled up his sleeve, the wrong sleeve. He shook his head and pulled the sleeve back down. Tadashi saw him smile a little bit when he started to pull up the other sleeve. He took notice in the drawing of himself first which caused him to blush. He then read the note. With a full red face, he turned to look at Tadashi again.
> 
> "It's you..?"
> 
> Kei knew the handwriting. It had to be Tadashi. That, of course, was confirmed by the nod Tadashi gave him. Kei stood up and wrapped Tadashi in a hug, planting a kiss on his forehead.
> 
> "I'm glad it's you, I wouldn't want it any other way."


	4. Viral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a request that I got over on Wattpat, but hopefully everyone enjoys it!  
> Words: 1189

Tadashi sat against the wall, his legs outstretched so his feet pushed against the bottom of Tsukishima's back. He was just as attractive from the back as he was from the front. Tadashi often found himself confessing this, clearly having a massive crush on his best friend of about ten years now. He definitely hadn't liked him that long ago, but it had sure been a couple years since his feelings blossomed. He scrolled through his phone, watching TikTok. He himself posted. He wasn't very popular, but he got some traffic on his account. He would often include other members of the volleyball club, though he found it strange that Tsukishima wasn't exactly against being in them, just not enthusiastic.

Tadashi stared at the back of Tsukishima's neck. He was absorbed in the book he was reading, yet the silence between them was still comfortable. He shut off his phone, as to stop the song from repeating itself constantly. He really did love Tsukishima, he cherished their time spent together and wished it would stretch on forever. Oh, to be able to hug him though. Or kiss him. Tadashi felt a little giddy when he thought about it though, like maybe he shouldn't. The feelings should be reciprocated for that to happen, right?

He got up, patting Kei's shoulder briefly just to get his attention. Kei looked up at him. Something about the look of just being pulled out of a different reality, almost like he was confused, but still mystified, it really squeezed Tadashi's heart.

"Yeah? Is something wrong?"

"I'm just gonna go use the bathroom. Want anything while I'm out?"

"Yeah, just one bathroom burger thanks."

Tadashi rolled his eyes, but he laughed as well.

"But in all seriousness, maybe just some chips or something."

Tadashi nodded, "Sure thing."

He left the room to do his business, then went down to the kitchen to raid the cupboards. He pulled out a bag of chips, listening to them crumple in between his fingers. Maybe he should just build up the courage to tell him. Then again, what if he ruined years of friendship because his best friend didn't like him back. He shook his head and sighed, quickly heading back to the room so he wouldn't be gone for too long. He placed the chips on the kotatsu, then walked past him to grab his phone off the floor.

"Here are your bathroom chips, nice and fresh." He sat adjacent to Tsukishima, lifting the futon over his legs. It was nice and warm.

"Thank you." Tsukishima reached out to grab one of the bags, his elbow keeping the book open. Tadashi did the same, though he logged back onto his phone. They sat in silence again, except for the faint music coming from the phone, occasionally talking as well. He eventually came across one where someone kissed their bestfriend to see their reaction. He rewatched it a couple times, though it was no annoyance to his friend that had already zoned out. He thought about doing it himself, there wasn't such a bad downside to this anyway. If he reacted well, it went well. If he reacted poorly, he could apologise and say he was trying to go viral, right? He smiled, tapping the side of his phone with his thumb. All he had to do was find the confidence to actually do it. He put his head in his hands, to actually be able to do it...

He looked up at Tsukishima, who's eyes were quickly following along the page. He put his arms down and took in a deep breath. He was going to overthink it, so why not just do it so he can't? He stood up.

"Do you mind if I film a TikTok?" He felt kind of dumb asking, but he tried to move the suspicion away.

Tsukishima absently shook his head.

"Thanks Tsukki."

Tsukishima frowned slightly, "You don't even have to ask."

He moved across the room, setting up his camera so it would catch everything that went down. Tadashi did a runthrough with the sound, making up some kind of dance. He thought of it as practicing and not being suspicious, but he knew that he was just procrastinating it. He deleted the last clip he had filmed in order to restart, and do what he actually wanted to do. His heart was beating fast. He pursed his lips and took in a deep breath. Breathe. It's okay, whatever happens, you have an excuse.

He pressed the button at the bottom of the screen and took a few steps back. He smiled at the camera, gesturing towards the blond at the back. He briefly thought about the text he would place over the frame, but knew he had to move, otherwise the TikTok would finish without him.

He stood next to Tsukishima, tapping on his shoulder. He almost felt sick from the butterflies in his stomach. His heart was pounding in his chest, a dizziness arising in him. He felt his world slow down around him, the music dimming in the background. His body was reacting to his high anxiousness. Tsukishima looked up at him.

"Is something wrong Yamaguchi?"

Tadashi stared at him for mere moments, it was now or never. He bent down to his knees to kiss Tsukishima, his hand gripping his shoulder. The kiss lingered, and that's when Tadashi realised Tsukishima hadn't pulled away. He was putting back into it. Tadashi pulled away, taking a deep breath. They stared at each other, hearing the music come to a brief stop before starting up again to replay the video he had recorded.

"Tsukki you didn't-"

"I like you Yamaguchi."

Tadashi went bright red, his heart skipping a beat. He probably could have thrown up if it wasn't going to hit Tsukishima.

"You- I- you like me t-too?"

He balled his hands into fists, he really needed to calm himself down, the new information was swirling through his head like crazy and he couldn't help the shaking. Why am I so nervous after hearing the best possible outcome? He moved to sit on his butt, then lie down all together. Tsukishima put a hand across Tadashi's abdomen.

"Breathe with me, Yamaguchi." Tsukishima pressed his fingers down into Tadashi until his breathing began to match the pace.

Tadashi ran his fingers through his hair, his hands still shaking with leftover nerves. This was just as bad as stepping into a real match for the first time.

"Thank you Tsukki."

Tsukishima left his hand to rest on Tadashi, rubbing his thumb back and forth.

"I didn't think you'd be so anxious over that. I've liked you for quite some time, surprised you hadn't really picked up on it before."

Tadashi let out a wheezy laugh, "Yeah well clearly I'm scared of making the first move. You could've said something." He lightly kicked Tsukishima in the side.

"Oh shut up Tadashi, at least we're here now."

They smiled at each other, the phone finally turning off and the music stopping. They sat there is silence, a little closer together than they were before.


	5. Love Letters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is like my love letter to TsukkiYama pretty much...  
> Words: 1007

It had only been a month or so since the two had started dating. Tadashi had finally voiced his emotions to the other, and to his surprise but no one else's, they were accepted and reciprocated. He was giddy at first, unable to comprehend the fact that Tsukishima liked him just as much. Now they were finally staying the night together for the first time as a couple. There was something different about Tsukishima's room now, looking around made him feel comfortable and cozy, more so than before. It felt like he belonged there, like it was partly his own. There was something so wondrous in finally admitting his feelings to his childhood friend, and finally feeling like he was where he was supposed to be. Side by side with his boyfriend. On top of that, it was the first time he was sleeping in a bed with Tsukishima, rather than being next to him on a separate futon. It smelt so nice, like the hoodies he would steal to wear, like the one he was in right now, but it was strong and soothing, he wanted to cover himself in it forever.

He stared at the roof, specifically the line of light that made its way past the barrier of curtains. The slow, soft breaths he could hear beside him indicated the other was asleep, so he slowly turned his head, looking at Tsukishima. His face looked so soft in the dim moonlight, and he wanted to caress it, to hold it, but he just watched. Tsukishima's features were different when he wasn't controlling them to be a snicker and frown, he was relaxed. Tadashi slowly rolled onto his side, allowing him to burn the image into his eyes. He took it all in.

His skin looked smooth, no damage had been done to it. The peach fuzz on his cheek reflected the light of the moon, though it didn't look as fluffy as his hair. Blonde and puffy, like a pom-pom. Tadashi smiled, he really loved everything about Tsukishima. He was beautiful in his own way, and Tadashi wanted to take in all of it, experience it all. He finally closed his eyes, letting himself fall asleep as well.

-

By the time the sun was rising, Tadashi had already started to awaken. It's the time he would usually wake up for work, but knowing he had the day off to spend with his boyfriend made him feel energetic. He raised his hand to his mouth to yawn into the back of it, wiping sleep from his eyes while his hand remained around his face. He peered over at Tsukishima, who was still asleep. The golden rays of sunlight moved past the curtains and hit his face just right. It was like watching over an amazing grace, sent to make his life better. He was angelic is the sun, his face shining, eyelashes glistening. Tadashi's heart skipped a beat, maybe two. This is what he wanted to wake up to every morning. He watched Tsukishima's face turn into a slight frown before his eyes opened. Moments later they looked straight at him. They shone golden in the light and Tadashi felt his breath hitch in his throat.

He had never felt so truly in love with something than like he did now, with the person who he lay next to.

If I know what love is, it's because of you. I have never loved anyone like this before, so silent but so loud, so mystical but so real. Our worlds meet like it was meant to be, and here we are, together, staring at each other, like it's only us. And we only need us to be in love, because that's what it's about. Honesty, care, kindness and above all else, the effort in building our own throne. One we sit on together, hand in hand, watching as our worlds collide into one, to love and be loved by you. Love is a promise I can see you hold dear within your own eyes, something I hold in the palms of my hands. We nurture it together as it grows, and I will never be prepared for how big it will blossom, but having you by my side through it all will make it okay. I trust you that we'll always be okay. You have a place in my heart that no one else could ever have. It is forever, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Tadashi smiled, reaching out to take Tsukishima's hand in his own.

"Good morning Tsukki."

He watched Tsukishima blink, he was a blur to him at the moment.

"Good morning."

He felt Tsukishima's hand squeeze his own. It was so gentle, then he squeezed twice more.

"What was that for, Tsukki?"

"Tadashi, I love you. I know we haven't been together for long, but I have, for years now," His eyes drifted to focus on Tadashi's eyes, "And I want this to be ours. No matter what I say, if I squeeze or tap you three times, just know that I love you. First for my feelings, second for my passion and third for the commitment to you."

Tadashi squeezed his hands three times back.

"I love you too Kei, forever and always."

Tsukishima pulled their hands up, lacing their fingers and kissed Tadashi's knuckles. They lay there, side by side, silent but together, professing their love for one another is the golden light of the sun. It was pure, heartfelt. It was true to them. Tadashi pursed his lips, he felt like he could cry. To be fair, Tsukishima wouldn't even be able to see it. But this, this was all he wanted. His life was one big love letter to his best friend of years.

I choose you. And I'll choose you again. I never won't choose you above all else. Over and over and over. Without a doubt, in every heartbeat that passes, I'll keep choosing you. I love you Tsukishima Kei, and I never won't.


	6. Chapter 6

_As a man who walks ahead of me, I don't understand what makes you stop to allow me to catch up. If I could begin to be half of what you think of me, I could do about anything. As a man that follows, I wish that I knew what makes you think I'm so special._

Kei tapped his pen to his forehead in a consistent rhythm, watching Yamaguchi write his work for the maths they were doing. His face was soft, and held a lot of thoughts as shown through his scrunched eyebrows. Kei could tell that Yamaguchi cared, because he truly put in the effort. It showed in his eyes and his actions, he would never drop something if he knew he could do better. He closed his eyes, imagining what it would be like to be able to hold the face that tried ever so hard, to watch it relax. To be able to feel it all beneath his thumbs.

"Tsukki?" He opened his eyes at hearing his name being called, blinking as his vision cleared. He looked Yamaguchi right in the eyes, and if he could, he would reach out to take the hand sprawled out over the table, but really, it held his phone. One that had messages for him from others.

"Mm?" He let out a soft hum, resting his chin in his hand.

"Yachi just messaged me to tell me that she'd be here shortly."

Kei bit the insides of his cheeks. _But maybe not as special as I would like to think. If I could begin to do something that does right by you, I could do about anything._

"Right. Have you caught up? You can look at my notes if you need."

"Not yet," Yamaguchi whined, and it was the only complaint he could deal with, infact, he might even adore it. "But I can do it!"

Kei nodded, even smiling a little. I've never thought for a single millimetre that I could get here by myself, I have always needed you by my side. And I don't want that to change.

The ping of Yamaguchi's phone, very prominent this time, causes his smile to fade. He looked down at the phone, which then quickly disappeared from his view.

"She's here, I'll go let her in."

Kei follows him with his eyes as he walks out of the room, before looking back down at the phone he had dropped on the table. He reaches over to turn it on, it's a picture of the two of them at a park in early spring. He had been against the photo at the time, but he was glad that he had been forced into it. Secretly, it made him feel most important to Yamaguchi, being in both his backgrounds. He pressed the off button as he heard footsteps approach, looking towards the door as it was pushed open. He raised a hand to wave at the two that walked through the door.

"Afternoon." He bowed his head, at which he got a bow back from Yachi.

"Thank you for having me today."

He watched Yamaguchi sit down across from him, then Yachi in the spot between the two of them. It felt like time slowed down in the moment, and the ones that followed. He watched Yamaguchi and Yachi laugh, talk, everything he wanted with Yamaguchi alone. He scribbled in the corner of his paper, he couldn't think clearly. Yamaguchi's laugh floated around in his head, but it was so dull with the other banter. The low flirting was the worst though, the small smiles and nudges, the playful questions and answers. It drove him down a hole of insanity. All he wanted was Yamaguchi's full attention, all of his laughs, touches, coos, love. He bit the inside of his lip, quickly standing and moving to the door.

"Please excuse me, I just need to use the bathroom."

He quickly made his way down the hall, quietly closing the door and turning to stare himself in the mirror. His nose was red, and his eyes were slightly glossy. To yearn for something so much that it actually made him cry... it was certainly an uncommon experience, rare in fact, and here he was. He pulled his glasses from his face, pushing his palms into his eyes. He couldn't cry, not in front of Yamaguchi, and Yachi. He placed his glasses down on the sink, running the water to collect in his cupped hands. He splashed his face, once, twice, three time before turning off the tap. He let the water drip from his face. Tears without being his own. He reached for the hand towel, pressing it to his face. He set the towel down over its rack after he finished, putting his glasses back onto his face. He watched himself in the mirror for a short time.

_I always thought I might be bad. Now I'm sure that it's true, because I think you're so good and I'm nothing like you._

What time was it even? How much of this would he have to endure? All he wanted was Yamaguchi, to be alone and hold him, oh to feel his breath against his own. He took a deep breath, turning to make his way back to the room. He opened the door, staring at the two who were practically on top of one another laughing. Then again, he didn't have to listen to it when they both noticed him standing there in the doorway. He watched them, his eyes stinging. No matter what Yamaguchi's phone showed, this was the reality. Yamaguchi didn't want to be with Kei. He gripped onto the door handle.

_How embarrassing, to cry not only in front of your best friend slash lover, but also the person they would rather be with._

He watched both of them become concerned. At least he was getting some kind of attention from Yamaguchi, beggars can't be choosers, right?

"Tsukishima?" Yachi first addressed her words to him, but them quickly turned to Yamaguchi. "I've never seen him cry before."

Kei couldn't move. He felt plastered to the spot on the floor, he couldn't even bring himself to say something. Everything clearly was leading to this moment, yet here he was, somehow still surprised.

He watched Yamaguchi rise from his spot, making his way over to Kei.

"Tsukki-"

"It's okay Yamaguchi," He was quick to cut him off, the words finally finding themself on his tongue. "Don't mind me, I should leave you two alone." He quickly nodded his head and turned to walk away, yet his arm was caught by a warm hand, one that tugged him.

"Tsukki," Yamaguchi said again.

He sniffed, biting his cheeks as he turned to face Yamaguchi. "Please, don't make it harder." Not only did Yachi see him cry, but heard it too. His voice cracked, filled with tears. "I can't do this. I really can't."

He was met with, "Sorry, Tsukki," but it wasn't playful, it wasn't sarcastic. It was true.

"For what? It's my fault. I know it is. If I can only watch you from behind, then why do I deserve to stand next to you. For once let me walk ahead of you, so I can leave."

The hand around his wrist tightened. The face that belonged to it also held tears, but a smile too. Yamaguchi laughed through it, as if mocking him.

"Tsukki, I'm gay. I love you too."

Kei's felt the entire world fall of his shoulders. The words sat heavy in his ears. They stared at each other, a couple of boys in love, covered in tears.

Yamaguchi cracked a big smile, pulling Kei a little bit closer.

_When I see the way you look, shaken by how long it took, I could do about anything. I could even learn how to love... like you._


End file.
